i know words aren't enough

I don't really know how you feel right now. I'm afraid to ask. I don't know how you reacted or how you felt that moment. I just know that you're okay. You told me you are. But then I'm not sure if you really are or you're just trying to be.

Neither do I know how I should feel. It's like I'm in a limbo. I don't know how to console you, or if it's proper to say that things will be alright. I just know they will be, in His grace.

Just please talk to me if you need to. I'll be here. You know I always am...

welcoming the sunrise

High school musical?!?!

Had loads of fun, fun, fun during the EBC's outing last April 7-9 at Word of Life, Calauan, Laguna!

Here are the photos.

sweet vacay

Looking forward to a blessed Holy Week, which spells: no work (thank goodness! been slaving for days now!) and a fun fellowship with my churchmates this coming weekend. The EBC family will be holding a church outing in Word of Life, Laguna, and I, my mom and my sis can't wait for it! Aside from a surely blessed weekend, that's another opportunity for Beren and I to bond. Photos galore!

Well, that's just it for now. Will soon post again, let's just hope next week won't kill me with loads of deadlines (that's why I really am excited about this short vacation!).

Have a meaningful and blessed Holy Week, everyone!

anyone for a dunce dance with me?

I think I'm having a terrible week.

First, it was this always-doomed-from-beginning-til-end project. Always. Whenever this particular client has this project, something always goes wrong–there will always be a problem. And that's mostly due to other external "variables". In fact, early this week, I got entangled in a spicy e-mail exchange.

Then just a few hours ago, as I was looking for models we can use for the said project, I sent an email with a typo error–one that terribly looks like a wrong grammar. And may I quote my (careless) self:

"We just need models for a catalogue we’re doing. Please, please, email me photos so I can given them to the client."

What kind of typo error is that? Why can't it just be "givex", "givey" or "givew"? Why does it have to be "n"? And to think I'm an editor! If I can only go thru every employee's e-mail and delete that. Well, I almost sent another e-mail correcting myself, but I was told it's better if I just let it be. So now whenever I hear people laughing, I would think they're laughing at me.

And as if that wasn't enough, I forgot my sweater at Max's. Good thing I remembered. I rushed back to the restaurant and was very glad that the crew kept it safe.

I just hope that's the last of unpleasant things that would happen to me this week. I'm not vying for next week, though, because you know that "cursed" project? I'll be holding a shoot for that next week.

Wish me all the best.

P.S.
I just realized–all these crazy things that happened are related to that cursed project! See?

causality of things

Because I no longer want to be constrained.
Because I no longer want to be a mere puppet for unreasonable minds.
Because I don't want to be forever saying yes.
Because I want to speak my mind.
Because I don't want to be boxed in.
Because I believe in creative freedom.
Because I know I can do better.
Because I am not a slave to other people's daft wishes.
Because I feel like I'm sinking deep into the muck of complacency.
Because there are better things for me.
Because I'm no longer happy here.
Because I could be happier.
Because enough is enough.
Because I no longer want to.

I need to breathe fresh air, but they say I have to hold my breath for six more grueling months. I bet by that time, either there's no more air to breathe...or I'm dead.

i feel good. tana-nana-nana-nan!

Magnificent! Last night's gig was simply fantastic! Many, many thanks to all our friends who came and supported us! You are truly wonderful, guys and gals!

And because I'm out of words to express this overflowing happiness (thank you, Lord!), lemme just put them in photos.

Jay, what in the world are you doing with Pat's hair?

Di naman obvious na happy kame no?

I love these guys! They made our night!

Oh dear, pretty na naman kame dito. *sighs* LOL

These are my Spartan boys, who descended from Hercules himself...Huh?

Jonas, nagdurusa na si Pat, di mo ba makita?

Aiza Seguerra Fans Club! Hahahah!

I really feel like we've made a connection. See how she fends off
Francis with her guitar? LOL

More photos here!

i need to let the butterflies out

Tonight is the night...After more than a month of anticipating for this big thing, here I am with knots and butterflies in my tummy. I feel queasy again. Like I can't concentrate enough to grant me a sane mind for work today. Like I can't function properly, and this will go on until this day ends.

The Best of KATHA (an organization of Filipino composers where Francis and I are members of), which is happening tonight at 9pm in Phi Resto Bar, Metrowalk, is to blame for this. Though I 've prepared for this big gig a month ago (shopped for the get-up that early; I even had a haircut for this event!), I feel like it's still going to be my first time to go up that stage and sing with a band. And the more I talk (and write) about it, the queasier I feel. Especially when I think that Phi can accommodate as many as 200 people, which is definitely the biggest place we're to perform (yet); and that the event organizers have invited people from record labels; and that the whole stint will be caught in video so bloopers are NOT allowed; and that my colleagues will be seeing me there; and that, and that, and that...

Add the fact that one of the three originals we'll perform tonight still isn't complete, lyric-wise. That song I had to revise for the nth time, and until now, certain words still escape me. Aaaack!

Focus, Shine, focus!

I know we've done a pretty decent practice for this. But at this very moment, I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

Oh, Lord, help us!!!

(Below are happy moments during the weekend practices.)

Waiting for our turn at Red Damien

My boys: Francis, Coi, Gibet and Ian

Luthien under operation

Coi cam-whoring

Gibet and his back-up vocals. He also sings well!

Ian, I didn't really imagine you to be camera shy!

Francis feeling all giddy.

Actually, this post is just my excuse to invite everyone to drop by the event and support us. Wahahaha!

Seriously, I can't breathe right now... Yelp!

something to cheer me up

Please click me to view my copy!

As a consolation to my recent frustration, may I present to you the copy I did for this perfume ad.

This is the closest (for now) I could get to having a poem published (given that I consider this a poem). This is also the closest I got to writing something creative (read: literary; never mind if it sounds like a hallmark card copy), not just a typical PR for a merchandise.

Oh, and this ad is featured in the April ish of Cosmo. Grab your copy and you may get a perfume sample for free!

Hahahaha!

picture perfect...NOT!

So much for putting up my hopes of launching my photography career.

Client decided to just use gradating colors as displays for their TVs, camcorders and laptops. Originally, the idea was to have photos of actual objects as displays for the products in this catalogue that my collegues are working on, simulating what we really see when shopping for, say, television set. But no! Client changed their minds and voila! Fantastic, real-life gradating blues and greens as TV display.

Do you actually want to buy a TV set with just one color being shown? I thought TVs on display make use of the beauty of nature to prove they have sharp colors, contrast and brightness. How tacky and daft can they get?

Frustration is such an understatement.

But no, I know I shall have my day. (Please, Lord!)

For now, I think I should get that haircut. Maybe chopping some layers off my hair will dissipate this bad feeling I have.

Grrrrrrrrr...

the death of our sanity

So Friendster and Multiply and Youtube are no longer blocked (as far as we've observed in the past weeks).

But our only means of getting in touch with the outside world in real time has now been intercepted, hence, goodbye to chatting–no Meebo, no Adium, no E-buddy–no Instant Messaging clients...

WE'RE DOOOOOOOOOMED!!!

Can somebody help us?

ring-a-ring a-rosie

Cool Peru

Finally, I've found a ring that fits my frail fingers!!!

Check out T'ikanchay, a line of handcrafted accessories (imported from Peru) you'll so love (and the price is not so bad!)

It's good that they dropped by at the office. We got to take a look at their awesome creations, and we were so enthralled. Oh, and the owners of this cool line are nice, too!

wilted flowers

Strawberry float. Taken at last year's Panagbenga.

Heard in the news the other night that the Panagbenga celebration was desecrated by politicians who relentlessly used the said festive event as a convenient venue for their campaign.

WHY IN THE WORLD DO THEY HAVE TO DO SUCH A HIDEOUS THING?

I might as well vote for flowers this coming election. At least, they're pretty and they beautify our surroundings. Not to mention they provide jobs for Dangwa florists.

click it!

The best thing about photoshoots is that you get your own picture taken by a professional photographer FOR FREE.

Stooping from L-R: our client Patis, moi, photog Niña, make-up artist Archie, colleagues Pat & Marts. Sitting: our AD Jonas, photog Paolo, stylist Anne. Niña and Paolo were our models for this project, together with Miguel (not
in photo). Special thanks to daddy Ocs for these cool shots, as always.

I'm trying to act like a pro. That cam has a cooool lens.

please. get out of my way.

Not feeling okay today. Have this headache since last night and I woke up this morning feeling very sleepy.

Ergo, I'm acting a li'l bit bitchy. And I apologize for that. But right now, I'm happy not to be talking too much.

Maybe I'll be back to the sunny me tomorrow. Just for today, please spare me the perky attitude and just don't mess with me.

Thank yew.

that lovely feeling

Queasy is exactly how I feel whenever I'm faced with things larger than me; things that are daunting.

I remember standing at the entrance of this three-storey ukay-ukay building in Baguio, wanting to puke because I felt so overwhelmed I didn't know where to start digging for buys.

Then upon going home late from work last night, I sat at the back seat of the bus. And being at the back seat, I can see how long the bus is, which made me feel nauseated.

Or like last weekend, when Francis and I first stepped into MOA.

And whenever I'm swamped with tons of workloads, I can't eat. I just feel like throwing up.

Perhaps that's my body's way of coping with stress; it's like I have to puke the pressure out of my system.

And I think I'm about to do that in...one. two. three....ulk!!!

i heart dexter

Odd man out. Dexter the white.

Would I freak you out if I say that I'm crushing on a serial killer?

One from this series, that is. Thanks to Cos, I was recently ushered into the world of Dexter, a series about a blood spatter expert by day, serial killer by night. (It's based on Jeff Lindsay's novels Darkly Dreaming Dexter and Dearly Devoted Dexter.)

Dexter Morgan, superbly played by Michael C. Hall (of Six Feet Under, and I love him now), works for the Miami-Dade Police Department. He's actually good at his day job, and equally good at being a serial killer. But he only kills those who have escaped justice. With pizzaz and his own serial killer signature.

Dexter grew up in a foster home; and fortunately for him, he was greatly cared for by his foster parents. In fact, his foster dad (a cop), seeing that he has the makings of a sociopath, taught little Dexter how to divert his violent tendencies, leaving him by what is known as "Harry's code" (Harry is his foster dad). That's why Dexter kills only those he has proven to be guilty of crimes but have evaded the law.

Ah basta, just watch it. It's no CSI show. It's cooler than that. Plus, I love the sense of humor (yes, there is).

And I love Dexter because he's endearing (in his own weird way) and because Michael Hall is hawt.

let's ride!

See you again, soon, Mr. Sun!

Had a simple but sweet (of course) post-V-day celebration with Francis at the Mall of Asia–both of us first-timers to that gigantic place. And with my 4-inch stilettos, you can just imagine how my feet complained.

Anyway, we watched "Ghost Rider". It was actually a choice between that and "Music & Lyrics", but the rider trumped the latter. And to my delight, because I got to see Nicolas, my love. Oh, what pretty hands he has! (Ahaha! I've this thing for nice-looking hands. No stubby ones, please!)

Then it was off to strolling, which brought us to Powerbooks, which in turn made me buy two new books to add to my growing collection. I was so happy to finally get a copy of Virginia Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway and Amy Tan's Saving Fish From Drowning.

The dragon invades the bookshop.

Then it was dinner at Chef d'Angelo. I so love their chicken and their garlic shrimp meal.

All in all, it was great. I guess there'll be a next visit to MOA soon.

déjà vu boo

Why is this happening all over again?

I know patience is a virtue, but at this point, it's like some sort of claustrophobic cell that's slowly killing me.

Why is it that just when I have something planned, some other thing would come up that would preempt whatever I have up my sleeves? It just spoils everything! And I go back to square one with no clue whatsoever as to how to go about the whole thing all over again.

The whole "history repeats itself" drama in my life (career life)? It's no longer funny, nor anecdotal. I'm actually getting tired of it.

So I guess this is my cue to get acquainted with Mr. Depression. Again.

Oh, Lord, please...

apocalyptic

Image from Wikipedia

For the first time in my movie watching life, I felt like throwing up while the bloody, wide screen stared at me.

I'm not really a fan of backpackers-turned-slashed-meat type of movies, so I thought watching Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto" is nothing like that. Though I've read a review stating that the movie remains true to Gibson's gore signature, I still didn't expect it would be that gory. Gory as in I wouldn't recommend eating before, during and even after watching the film. About 20 minutes into the movie, I was asking myself "Why in the world did I let Francis convince me to watch this?" It's not that I don't really want to see "Apocalypto". For one, the reviews are good. Then there's the intrigue factor–the movie's in Yukatek Maya language (according to Wikipedia; it has English subtitles, of course). While some people really mind reading those subtitles, I don't. What I mind is seeing blood, decapitation and disembowelment for like, every 10 minutes or so.

But, but, but..."Apocalypto" delivers plot-wise. It really does. And in case you're still not into movies with subtitles, lemme tell you that you'll barely mind those in this movie because the longest dialogue the characters have delivered just comprises one line.

But if you like gore...then...Why the heck do you like gore?

birthday bash

The Special Pub peeps, and some adopted ones

Free lunch is always sumptuous, especially if it's at Thai Kitchen where there's an everyday eat-all-you-can for just 199 bucks (free plugging!).

So I take this opportunity to say happy birthday (belated and advanced) to Bubbles, Cleo, Cindy, Iza and Patring. Thanks for the free lunch!