"...where ideas kiss similes so deeply that metaphors get jealous"

Poems and poets like this make me green with envy.

P.S.
Thanks to Pat E. for sharing. Miss you, my dear!

a night of reunions

Just one of my very few decent photos of the concert.

"Magkahawak ang ating kamay at walang kamalay-malay, na tinuruan mo ang puso ko na umibig nang tunay..." - Ang Huling El Bimbo by the Eraserheads

Though one of my favorite Eheads songs, Ang Huling El Bimbo, was not played due to an emergency (Ely Buendia, the band's front man, was rushed to the hospital after the first set, hence cutting the concert short. Hope he gets well real soon), being in the midst of a Pinoy music phenomenon with other thousands of fans is an experience that would make it to my personal history. In fact, I am not surprised that by now, just a day after the much anticipated reunion concert, a lot of blog entries have already been written and read, professing of how the event turned an ordinary night into something extraordinary, and what the band/their music meant to the authors.

I wasn't much of a fan, not in a sense where I would follow every single detail of the band's life. But there is no denying that my generation has been greatly inspired, if not influenced and shaped, by the music of the Eraserheads. Eraserheads, for me, means high school and early college, and everything that comes in between those years. Songs like Sembreak, Torpedo, Minsan and Pare Ko (the three latter songs weren't performed, unfortunately) conjure up memories that in a way define what my life was as a geeky high school student and a hopeful college freshie. It was particularly nostalgic to see clips of my dear alma mater, UP Diliman, being flashed in the big screen--not really just a mere part of the visual effects for the concert but because those four cool guys actually hailed from the same university, were my seniors, and first met in the Kalayaan Residence Hall (a dorm for freshies).

Yes, it was indeed unfortunate not to see Eheads perform more songs that would've made everyone, including me, jump, bump and sing out loud with glee and pride. But seeing them and hearing all those nostalgic melodies once again--live--and bumping into old friends who share the same admiration for the music is an experience worth cherishing.

P.S.
Photos to be uploaded in my multiply soon.

unlabeled emotion (translation: i think i am a psychologically screwed up person)

Sometimes, I really do make things complicated for myself.

Perfect example would be what transpired today: let's just say I got a good career break--something I should be very happy and gleeful about. I mean, I am happy about it and I sincerely thank God for it; it's just that I know I should feel a higher degree of happiness. Any normal person would, so I guess this lack of exuberant emotion makes me a retard. What's worse--I can't label what I feel. It's not being ungrateful but more like, I dunno, can I say oblivious/indifferent? I'm really trying my best here to feel the appropriate emotions. Trying really hard...And I hate myself for having to try when I shouldn't even be trying but just feeling!

What the heck is wrong with me?

Somebody help figure me out. Please!

my first attempt at domestication

The idea suddenly sprang in my head during one of those days when I was stuck at home nursing my asthma (so this must be a sick idea. Haha!): I've decided to cook for Francis. I've decided to cook. Period.

Not that this was my first attempt. I already whipped up some mediocre meal for him years back, with my lola's help. This time, I've decided to be on my own. The menu: Chicken in creamy mushroom sauce.

So yesterday afternoon, I was at the supermarket (yes, I now appreciate having a mall in the neighborhood) shopping for my ingredients. During the grocery trip, I had this brilliant idea to not only cook the main course but prepare some appetizer (potato salad with a dash of thyme) and dessert (milky melon and banana), too. A full-course meal. So ambitious of me, eh?

There I was at the refrigerated section of the supermarket, clueless as to how shitake mushrooms look like fresh. Button mushrooms are easy (especially the canned ones), but my recipe calls for the former. When I saw these shrooms peeking out from the shelf, I made sure to look at the label to avoid picking out the wrong kind. And when my hands finally landed on shitakes, I thought to myself, "Ano ba 'tong pinasok ko?" (What have I gotten myself into?). I mean, how do I go about cooking them, much more slicing them first? It's a pretty easy dilemma, I know; but for someone like me who's never a regular at the kitchen, such trivial questions could very well equate to calculus.

But to be honest about it, I felt excited and giddy, albeit nervous. So when I got home, there's no other way to see if I'm making a big mistake but to try and make some sample.

After about an hour of kitchen heat, I managed to survive the ordeal. I think what I've prepared are decent enough not to rush someone to the nearest hospital due to food poisoning. My sister even finished her share as a sign of approval. I felt somewhat relieved and proud at the same time. I only had to wait for the next day for the verdict.

---

Dinner was served with anticipation. So anxious was I that I almost forgot to prepare my own plate and would have opted for Francis to try his first and wait for his reaction. After sitting down, Francis took his first spoonful. I held my breath. "Wow, sarap!" was my fiance's first reaction. I had to make sure he was telling me the truth and not just acting as my (polite) fiance. Seriously, he better be honest because he'll probably end up eating whatever I would serve him the moment we're married. There is no turning back for him, right? So I took his compliment as the truth after seeing him ask for another serving. He not only loved the main course, he also had three servings of my potato salad and two servings of my dessert! Wahahaha! It was a success! I can't believe it!

The only downside: since I don't know any better when it comes to approximating how many/much of each ingredient I'm supposed to buy, I ended up having an extra can of cream of chicken, 5 more pieces of shitake mushrooms and a handful of basil leaves. I guess I'd have to prepare some chicken soup soon before those ingredients expire.

So there, first attempt at domesticating myself has been a success. I just hate the now-wash-the-dishes part. And I wish I was able to take a couple of pictures of my masterpiece as proof. Never mind, there will be a next time. Heehee!

P.S.
Thanks to Mems for letting me bug her about shitake mushrooms and basil leaves.

tagged, and you may be tagged, too

Was tagged by Jay, my gay lover. I even got scolded for not attending to this meme right away. He can be so demanding. Ahaha!

People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who tagged them & cannot tag the person who tagged them. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. How has Multiply/Blogger changed your life?
I now have the whole www to talk to when I'm bored, or just plain in the mood for "talking". I can be über mushy, angsty or simply senseless and I don't even care because hey, it's my blog!

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Cleanse my face with an astringent, surf the net, yak on the phone with Francis, and have my quiet time.

3. What are you going to have for dinner tonight?
I've no idea yet. Maybe the same menu as my baon for lunch: sweetened ribs (my mom's specialty).

4. What is the ONE place you want to go to before you die if you had the money and the time?
With Francis, either up in the cold mountains (the Alps? That place where Heidi and her grandpa live in the book, Heidi [by Johanna Spyri]) or a serene but very scenic beach like a remote resort in Hawaii or the Caribbean.

5. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
I'd like to believe I'm an extrovert. But I confuse myself because I can also be an introvert sometimes. Case to case basis.

6. What do you do in your free time?
Read books, listen to music, watch DVDs, sleep. And when I'm visited by the muse, I try to write.

7. Do you trust easily?
Before, yes. Now, I test the waters first. (But I easily get attached.)

8. What personal belonging do you have with you everywhere you go?
My mobile phone--inside my big bag that has other things, which make for aching shoulders at the end of the day.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yes. Quite a handful. "Unhappy" is such an understatement. I just try to not wallow in it. For one, there's Francis being assigned in Cavite for five friggin' months. And then...

10. What is your best quality?
I can say that I easily get along well with people, and that I have a sense of humor, albeit shallow. Haha!

11. Is being tagged fun?
Yes, it is. Especially when I don't have anything to blog about. Tagging can be a legit reason to blog away.

12. How do you see yourself?
I make my own life complex in one way or another. So yes, complicated and a contradiction of sorts.

13. Do you prefer rain or snow?
I love it when it drizzles. But I also want to experience snow, given that I don't get frostbites or die of hypothermia.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Jay is handsomely gay, darn it!

15. Poor but loved, or rich but hated?
Poor but loved. But it doesn't hurt to be rich and loved at the same time, does it?

16. How many children do you want?
Two--a boy and a girl. Right, Francis?

17. What’s better: to give or to receive?
Last Friday, there was an ex-deal sale at work. So I grabbed a perfume for my mom, which she's been wanting since she got a whiff of it. So I bought it for her. I was all excited to go home that day and hand her that dandy bottle. So yeah, it is better to give than to receive. Makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

18. What do you feel about sex without love?
That's just plain lust. I prefer to call the act "making love" than just "sex". The latter term has this detached rawness to it, which I don't find appealing.

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
Uhm. No. But if that's with my husband, then I'm all for it. Hahaha!

20. What would you name yourself if you’d been born the opposite gender?
I prefer it ancient-sounding and uncommon. Say, Onesimus or Moses. Hehe.

You're tagged: Camille, Sam (ayan!), Abby, Kat, Archie, Cos, Mavs, Pat

another breath of fresh air

Yesterday's sermon was a blessing. "God speaks and makes His presence known through His creation." I cannot agree more. That's why another trip tomorrow 'til Thursday to the northern mountains is, again, in good timing.

A lot has been happening lately, and I wish I can say that they're not a matter of life and death. Two of the most important people in my life--my dad and my future mom-in-law-- are not in the pink of health, and they need all the prayers they can get. Sometimes I wonder why I haven't really become as depressed as I should be. I feel like I should be bugging my eyes out crying, but I'm not. Dunno if that's good or bad. I'm just thankful that I'm still sane to actually come to work, smile, greet people, function like I should, come up with decent copy, etc. It scares me that all this might catch up on me, and that when that happens, I'd be caught unawares.

So yes, I thank God for another opportunity to temporarily escape everything that's haunting me now, even if this is another official business trip. I actually look forward to hear Him speak and calm me with His presence up there in the mountains.

And yes, please pray for my dad and my mom-in-law. Just please pray that they be well soon.

one of 'em boys cried then went shopping

Last Friday's snippets:

Was watching SYTYCD's Kherington and Twitch do some Viennese Waltz. The routine has a personal sentimentality to it, especially because the song has a very special meaning to the choreographers.

So I was watching it, and just when my tears were about to fall, my colleague Tim suddenly showed up in my cube and caught me teary-eyed. I had to shoo him away before I got to explain. Embarassing moment no. 261 there! Hahaha!

---

Had a matter-of-life-and-death issue at hand: what's more flattering for a girl--to be categorized as a girl-next-door or a hot chick. For me, it depends. But when Iza and I asked Francis' take on the issue, he only has one thing to label me:

One of the boys.

Great. Well, fine, I admit I tend to be one. And sometimes, it works for me. Sometimes. Still, it's flattering to be treated like a lady, not like a brother. Ugh.

---

Since there were no takers for the GCs I've been selling (they're Big & Small/Spin/Havin' A Baby GCs), I decided to just use them myself, see what preggy clothes I can buy and get away with wearing them without being accused of being actually pregnant. Francis was quite hesitant to join me in my shopping spree. "Naku, baka ma-tismis tayo nito," he said. I just laughed it off.

So there I was, gleefully enjoying fitting the clothes on sale only to learn I can't buy them with my precious GCs (but then Bubs and Cleo told me they were able to score sale items with their GCs. So unfair!). So I just settled for a brown tube dress and paid cash for this maroon bubble tube top that was on sale. At the cashier:

Cashier: Ma'am, first baby nyo po?
Me: Um. Ah. Hindi pa.

Was so tempted to point at Francis and say, "Sya, baby damulag ko."

dreaming with a broken heart in SYTYCD

Hmmm...so now I'm confused which pair to like--Kherington and Twitch (with this vid) or Chelsie and Mark (with Bleeding Love).

But Twitch is sizzling!

bleeding love in SYTYCD, drip drip

Such intensity! I hope this couple wins!

I think Sam and I watched this for the nth time today, wishing we'd memorize the routine and perform it decently even in our dreams. But I have yet to work on Jabbawockeez's Apologize (see previous entry).

Dancing is indeed, emancipating.

jabba, jabba, jabba!

They got me at Apologize. Now I'm so hooked! Jabbawockeez ROCKS!

tweet-tweet-twitter!

Here I go again littering the cyberspace. Another site to maintain. This will be fun!

Follow me on Twitter and I shall follow you, too! Yay!

hurry before June ends!

As narrated to me. Please click to enlarge.
And please buy a copy so you get to read the whole story!

Got an article published in Cosmo June ish. Yey! Do grab a copy now hurry hurry!!!

tug-a-tag-tag

So Sam tagged me. And since there has been some inactivity in my blog these days (the reason for which will be in another entry), I do find this a fun reason to write a post. So here we go...

The Rules:

I. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.

II. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.

III. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.

IV. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

---

10 Random (sometimes weird and scary) facts about me:

1. I am a H-U-G-E fan of Lord of the Rings, and therefore, Tolkien. So huge that I even attempted to learn Elvish language (there are two: Sindarin and Quenya). In fact, the greeting you will see on my multiply home page (Vedui' il'er) is the Elvish for "Welcome, my friends!". My multiply address, among others, is "luthien tinuviel", the great ancestor of Arwen Undumiel. I reenact some scenes, too (yes, even some sword-weilding scenes) from the movies. There was also a point when I got really hooked on the LOTR Yahoo chatroom, even role-played there, and met online friends, some of whom I still talk to today. And if given the resources, I would definitely purchase LOTR items to my heart's content.

2. As perhaps apparent in item # 1, I can consider myself a geek. Summer break in elementary and high school were spent reading books that would prepare me for the next level. Say I'm an incoming sophomore--I would read sophomore books and find them delightful, somehow. *gulp* Also, I was best in Science and Math when I was in elementary. I dunno what happened in between then and now.

3. I used to have a big crush on...uh...Sylvester Stallone--back when he was still capable of being a Rocky. I think I was in Grade 2 or 3 then. Yes, I did have a poster even. Ahaha!

4. I lack the drive to pursue my poetic dreams. Francis can attest to this. I have more than a dozen poems ready for copyright application, but I never got around to doing it. For more than 5 years now. So I'm giving myself a deadline: I need to have my works copyrighted before I become Mrs. Funa. I hope, too, that at least one of my poems gets published before this self-imposed deadline.

5. Warning: this may sound scary and I will understand if, for a period of time my friends who get to read this avoid me, until proven otherwise...I am drawn to weird criminal cases. For instance, I find myself so engaged in reading about Charles Manson-like cases, or those about kids killing other kids. You know, the serial killer types. Maybe that's why I have a secret crush on Dexter Morgan (played by Michael Hall in the TV series Dexter). Believe me, I am a safe person to be with. I am not one to slash your neck and watch you die from loss of blood.

6. I am semi-arachnophobic. When I was a kid, I was taking a bath and when I opened my eyes, I saw this big spider swimming in my pail of water. That did it for me.

7. I am also afraid of rambutan. Yes, the fruit. I imagine them to be these red sea urchins that would just attack you to death with their spiky skin. If anyone plans to give me this fruit, please make sure they're peeled. Though sadly, I still don't eat them, but thanks for the effort.

8. I like my mornings quiet. I get irritated when I bump into someone on my way to work because then, I am forced to strike an early morning conversation when I could be catching some more sleep during my commute.

9. I seriously want to pursue travel writing and photography. I see myself quitting my day job for these.

10. I get attracted to gay men--90% of the time. I wouldn't know they're gay in the first place until someone tells me they are. So if I get a crush on this particular bloke, there's a 90% probability that he's not straight. But Francis is not gay. He's the exception to the rule. Let's be clear on that. Haha!

Tagging: Zig, Pat, Archie, Mch, Meikah, Cos, Gibet, Ninah, Ate Janice, Jay.

happiness is witnessing the Cook bring home the bacon!

Had to wake up early this morning, as in 8am (yes, that's major effort for me these days) just so I can watch the AI Season 7 finals. Groggy as I was, it was all worth it. David Cook is da man!!!

Now before I hit the road to Baguio, lemme post these--for all David Cook fans who haven't seen this vid yet. (Thanks to Abby for sharing.)



And now, let's give it up for Archie.



That's a hot rock star and a cute li'l boy for you! And oh my, they're both lefties! Haha!

cover: falling slowly from the movie "Once"

Vocals, Backing Vocals: Sunshine Selga
Acoustic Guitar: Francis Funa

I miss times like this--when music strips off everything and we're just left with the passion to
play it.

baguio's going to pick me up again

Baguio, Feb 08: with Archie, Cindy, Mems, and Mari-an.
Taken by Francis

I find it a blessing that whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps, a trip to my fave place comes around—be it for work or for leisure (of course I wish it were always for leisure). And as mababaw as I may seem, I find myself feeling all excited about another trip to Baguio this weekend (for work, yes).

It must be the cool air or the pine trees or the notion that Baguio is in itself this very quaint little town where everyone knows everyone and you can do or wear (layering and boots and coats and mufflers are so cool) just about anything and no one would stare at you like you’re some strange person. I may be wrong (I’ve read in a dismayed friend’s blog that Baguio has changed), but I’d like to think that I’m going back to a place I fell in love with. It’s good to not be too familiar with it because that way, I don’t have to stare at the ugly face of Baguio (oh yes, there is Panagbenga. Now I understand why Mari-an detests stepping out of her house and into the festival’s riot). Maybe because every time I go there, I feel a happy familiarity, a sense of belonging, a sense of I-can-grow-old-here feeling. Add the fact that that’s where I said “yes” to Francis’ proposal.

It’s funny because my assignment in Baguio only requires an overnight stay. Yet I still look forward to it and feel as if that short stay would do me a lot of good. I can actually imagine myself there already: after the shoot, me and my colleagues-turned-friends would hit a place where we can relax and have a nice afternoon snack, then probably head to Tam-Awan to catch the glorious Baguio sunset. Evening might be spent at some cozy place with good food—50’s Diner or Little John’s maybe. And as we all decide to call it a night, we’d still end up yakking the night away in our room, all comfy in our PJs. The morning would be a wonderful mix of damp air, cool breeze and soft drizzle, best spent having a hearty breakfast at Café by the Ruins (Cindy and I would definitely drag the gang there). I would be ordering their divine French toast. The rest of the day would probably be spent loitering around Baguio and being the usual noisy bunch of tourists. Then we’d all be sad to be going back to Manila by early afternoon. I know I’d be really sad, but happy at the same time because I might have found another reason to go back. Hopefully, when that time comes, Francis would be missing Baguio so much he’d talk me into taking a week-long vacation leave just so we could go back.

Oh dear. Evidently, I’m getting all worked up here. Just thinking of how cool and damp and drizzling Baguio is at this time of the year gets me all giddy. Perhaps this is God’s way of rewarding me after days of feeling terribly miserable.

I really can’t wait for Friday. Yay!

because the right choice is to let go

When it rains, it pours.

My recent trip to Albay somehow gave me room to escape from decisions (or indecisions) that haunt me these days. I’m not one to pretend that things are fine when they’re not. I guess my Grade 6 adviser is right to describe me in our annual as “transparent in times of joy and despondency.” These are despondent times for me.

And so I just find solace in listening to what I call “catatonic” music. That’s the good thing about music—it soothes aches without any pretenses. During that 12-hour trip back to Manila, while raindrops were beating hard on the windshield, I fed on songs as I voluntarily let them feed on my pain.

The day before our trip back, I had to learn (again) how to compartmentalize my emotions and my work. It’s not an easy feat. I had to force myself to keep a level head and do what I had to do in Albay—be a photographer and shoot decent photos. I had to stop myself from putting down my camera and just give in to depression. But like my teacher said, I am transparent. I can only hold out for so long.

Perhaps this is one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make. I asked for a sign, and I was given “no” for an answer. Just to be sure, I’m asking for another sign, and if it’s another “no”, then it must not really be meant for me. It just hurts to know that for something I’ve wanted, I’m being asked to wait. It’s even harder for me because I can consider myself a “spoiled daughter”—not used to having “no” for an answer.

Maybe not many people would understand why I need to make this decision. Some do, and I greatly appreciate it. In this situation, it’s so easy and so sweet to just say “yes”. That would be an easy road to take, and I would be a hypocrite to say that I’m not tempted to take that road. The goal is at hand, but I have to turn back and walk away from it because there are things that I cannot compromise, lines I cannot cross. When you’re to choose between something you desperately want and your conviction, the decision is never easy. It’s painstaking and shattering, even. What makes it more difficult is when you know the answer—when you know you have to take that other road less traveled.

Again, I have to wait it all out and let the storm pass. I have to tell myself, “When you can’t see His hand, trust His heart.”

As I drowned out all emotions with my iPod’s help and stared blankly at the long, slippery road on the way back to Manila, I couldn’t help but ask: If this is not meant for me, what is? If this isn’t the right time, when is? Because honestly, I’m getting a bit tired. And so as I make the decision to walk away, I just pray that in the future, when I look back at this moment, I can be proud and say it was all worth it. In the meantime, I allow myself to drown in lethargy and fade out.

gigabytes come in neat, little packages

Ooh lala red!

This afternoon, I went to Francis' place to get the CDs I left with him. I need those discs for some review I'm doing. Also, I need him to accompany me in buying a CF card, which I've long put on hold. There's no better time to buy a 2-gig card but now. Otherwise, I'd be forced to bring my laptop to our Albay trip this Monday-Wednesday just so I can transfer photos and free up my hardworking 1G card (I'm the official photographer again for this trip! Yey!). Considering that I usually bring a lot of baggages when I go on out-of-town trips (being the pack rat that I am), adding a laptop bag to my list is not always a good idea.

So we headed to SM North Cyberzone to check out the stores for the most reasonably priced 2GB CF card. We found only two stores, and it was a matter of choosing between Transcend and Kingston. Called up Cos to see what he can recommend, and he told me both brands are okay. But Francis has apprehensions getting Kingston, so I decided to go for Transcend (with a speed of 133x). It cost me only P860, which made me smile with glee.

After rejoicing for a good buy, we proceeded to Villman. Francis asked for the specs and price of a portable hard drive, and I had this feeling that that was his belated happy birthday present for me. Indeed, it is! After asking around for a good deal, we settled for a 160GB Western Digital My Passport Essential™ portable hard drive in fabulous red. The neat thing measures about 3x6 (passport size nga!) and is about half an inch thick. Such a little dandy gadget to have, especially because I need to back up photos every now and then.

A few hours ago before this techie shopping, I was gently scolding Francis for still not giving me a birthday present. But seeing my new toy, I can say that good things come to those who wait (ahem, ahem).

Thanks, Pangga! You're my gadget boy. Haha!

Now off I go to my backing up project.

and isn't it ironic?

Sometimes, life has a way of biting you in the ass--hard.

Going home this evening, I had to stop from crying and making a fool out of myself in the FX. So I just sat there, wallowing in self-pity and asking questions starting with "why".

I've only wanted this one Thing, been so dying to have it. And I know I deserve to have that one Thing. But I see others getting it--and taking it for granted. It just hurts to see how some people take that one Thing for granted--that one Thing I've so longed for. And as selfish or boastful as it may sound, it hurts even more to know that in one aspect or another, I deserve that one Thing more than they do. But why does it seem like I'm asking for the moon? Why haven't I gotten there yet when I've been working my ass off for it?

So this is how it feels to be plagiarized--to see someone bring home all the goodies that you deserve in the first place.

Perhaps I have to remind myself, "In God's time, Shine...in God's time."

Please, God, let that time be now.

at the end of a long day

Sometimes, I surprise myself with my patience. At other times, with my hostility.

Today, it was the former.