I am a person who is usually in high spirits. But there are days when things get to me, and the past weeks have been really stressful, and it's not even physical stress. Lately, I feel like every time I go to work, I should always be strapped up for some battle.
I've been in this job for almost five years now, and this is the only time I've felt this frustrated. Sure, I've had a fair share of frustrations for the past years that I've been working, but it's different when you're frustrated and let down by people who you rely on to come up with fair and sound decisions. It's like a slap in the face.
It makes me feel guilty for feeling this negative towards others, and I hate myself for feeling that way. I was told that I have the right to how I feel, and I know I do; it's just that as much as possible, I don't like harboring ill feelings. Still, I remind myself that hey, I am entitled to feel this way especially because I know I'm right (and that I'm not the only one crying foul) and because I am seriously affected by all the crappy things happening.
But I'm already tired--of feeling frustrated, of trying to get the point across. I'm tired of barking at the wrong tree. It's all futile. What is the point of raising my voice if it falls on deaf ears? Worse, if those same ears only hear the voice they want to hear?
I feel bad for those who feel the same way as I do. But as for myself, I guess the only thing left to do is to embrace indifference. That, or ride the wave. I guess I'm more inclined to go for the former. So from now on, I'll do my very best to leave these behind and just surround myself with happy, fuzzy things. I can only rant so much. Now it's time to find serenity in oblivion.
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