taking the big leap

Image from this Google+ account

I finally did it. I finally handed over my resignation letter last Monday. 

After almost seven years of being an editor for Special Publications Dept. (now known as Creative Solutions), I finally found the courage to get out of my comfort zone. Nope, I have no new day job yet waiting for me. It was a risk I took, a risk that I talked over with my husband. I'm very thankful that I have his full support on this, perhaps because he knows and believes in the very reason why I had to call it quits.

There are a number of reasons, but basically, they all boil down to this: my heart is no longer invested in what I do. Reading my past blog entries related to my day job only affirmed the fact that for the past two years or so, my heart has no longer been in what I've been doing. What pushed me to finally compose that letter was the realization that anytime soon, I'm bound to screw up something because I no longer care, and I do not ever want that to happen. 

It's not just about dreading to go to work; that dread already turned to indifference. Lately, I've been going through the motions just to get them done--no effort, no passion, nada. And for me, when I no longer have any driving force to do something, that means it's time to call it quits. The thing is, I no longer want to have any driving force at all. I've already reached this point when I chose not to lift a finger. That's why I know it's really time to let go.

That's not to say that I'm not grateful for the experience. I am. I have learned a lot. I have learned how to deal with pressure, how to find sanity amid last-minute shoot glitches (the model can't make it and only informed you the night before your scheduled shoot date), how to manage fickle-minded and difficult clients (those scenarios in the Black Swan Rants meme are a handful of examples), how to juggle five tasks that need urgent attention all at the same time, among other lessons that have made me a better manager. And yes, these lessons have even translated to building in me a stronger character (I'd like to believe they did). Plus, the people I have met(a lot of them became my good friends)--I will cherish them, and I hope to still get in touch with them every now and then.

I can never be thankful enough for these. But like I said, I  have to move out of my comfort zone and find new adventures as a freelancer. This "new life" is exciting, and I'm very much looking forward to more lessons I will learn and more people I will meet.

The decision has been tough, yes. I almost chickened out, in fact. But in the few days leading to the Big Day, my decision stood firm. I was able to sleep peacefully. I thank my friends and loved ones for all the encouragement. Most especially, I thank my husband for the staunch support he has shown and is still showing (he treated me to dinner after I resigned!). If not for his prodding, I would not have found enough courage to do what I should have done two years ago. To be honest, his encouragement caught me by surprise. He kept telling me we can go through this, that we only have to pray and do our best and we'll be okay. He's even okay to postpone this big thing we're suppose to treat ourselves to just so I can finally resign from work (don't worry, Francis, I'll work my arse off so we can buy that soon, haha!). All his motivation and pep talk gave me the courage I need.

To everyone I have worked with, especially to my department which has grown dear to me throughout the years, thank you so much. You guys have been a blessing, and I know this isn't the last time we'll see each other again (I'm just here if you guys need a writer! You know my number. Haha!). Special Pub (it'll always be "Special Pub" for me) will always be the hardest working department there is in Summit--that noisy department where people are so darn stressed but can still find the sanity to laugh out loud and still manage to come up with creatively crazy ideas no matter how last-minute the JOs come in. I'm proud to have been a part of it. (Continue to rock on, Special Pub!)

In the meantime, I'll move on to this new path I have chosen, and hope and pray that great new adventures are in store.