happiness is witnessing the Cook bring home the bacon!

Had to wake up early this morning, as in 8am (yes, that's major effort for me these days) just so I can watch the AI Season 7 finals. Groggy as I was, it was all worth it. David Cook is da man!!!

Now before I hit the road to Baguio, lemme post these--for all David Cook fans who haven't seen this vid yet. (Thanks to Abby for sharing.)



And now, let's give it up for Archie.



That's a hot rock star and a cute li'l boy for you! And oh my, they're both lefties! Haha!

cover: falling slowly from the movie "Once"

Vocals, Backing Vocals: Sunshine Selga
Acoustic Guitar: Francis Funa

I miss times like this--when music strips off everything and we're just left with the passion to
play it.

baguio's going to pick me up again

Baguio, Feb 08: with Archie, Cindy, Mems, and Mari-an.
Taken by Francis

I find it a blessing that whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps, a trip to my fave place comes around—be it for work or for leisure (of course I wish it were always for leisure). And as mababaw as I may seem, I find myself feeling all excited about another trip to Baguio this weekend (for work, yes).

It must be the cool air or the pine trees or the notion that Baguio is in itself this very quaint little town where everyone knows everyone and you can do or wear (layering and boots and coats and mufflers are so cool) just about anything and no one would stare at you like you’re some strange person. I may be wrong (I’ve read in a dismayed friend’s blog that Baguio has changed), but I’d like to think that I’m going back to a place I fell in love with. It’s good to not be too familiar with it because that way, I don’t have to stare at the ugly face of Baguio (oh yes, there is Panagbenga. Now I understand why Mari-an detests stepping out of her house and into the festival’s riot). Maybe because every time I go there, I feel a happy familiarity, a sense of belonging, a sense of I-can-grow-old-here feeling. Add the fact that that’s where I said “yes” to Francis’ proposal.

It’s funny because my assignment in Baguio only requires an overnight stay. Yet I still look forward to it and feel as if that short stay would do me a lot of good. I can actually imagine myself there already: after the shoot, me and my colleagues-turned-friends would hit a place where we can relax and have a nice afternoon snack, then probably head to Tam-Awan to catch the glorious Baguio sunset. Evening might be spent at some cozy place with good food—50’s Diner or Little John’s maybe. And as we all decide to call it a night, we’d still end up yakking the night away in our room, all comfy in our PJs. The morning would be a wonderful mix of damp air, cool breeze and soft drizzle, best spent having a hearty breakfast at Café by the Ruins (Cindy and I would definitely drag the gang there). I would be ordering their divine French toast. The rest of the day would probably be spent loitering around Baguio and being the usual noisy bunch of tourists. Then we’d all be sad to be going back to Manila by early afternoon. I know I’d be really sad, but happy at the same time because I might have found another reason to go back. Hopefully, when that time comes, Francis would be missing Baguio so much he’d talk me into taking a week-long vacation leave just so we could go back.

Oh dear. Evidently, I’m getting all worked up here. Just thinking of how cool and damp and drizzling Baguio is at this time of the year gets me all giddy. Perhaps this is God’s way of rewarding me after days of feeling terribly miserable.

I really can’t wait for Friday. Yay!

because the right choice is to let go

When it rains, it pours.

My recent trip to Albay somehow gave me room to escape from decisions (or indecisions) that haunt me these days. I’m not one to pretend that things are fine when they’re not. I guess my Grade 6 adviser is right to describe me in our annual as “transparent in times of joy and despondency.” These are despondent times for me.

And so I just find solace in listening to what I call “catatonic” music. That’s the good thing about music—it soothes aches without any pretenses. During that 12-hour trip back to Manila, while raindrops were beating hard on the windshield, I fed on songs as I voluntarily let them feed on my pain.

The day before our trip back, I had to learn (again) how to compartmentalize my emotions and my work. It’s not an easy feat. I had to force myself to keep a level head and do what I had to do in Albay—be a photographer and shoot decent photos. I had to stop myself from putting down my camera and just give in to depression. But like my teacher said, I am transparent. I can only hold out for so long.

Perhaps this is one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make. I asked for a sign, and I was given “no” for an answer. Just to be sure, I’m asking for another sign, and if it’s another “no”, then it must not really be meant for me. It just hurts to know that for something I’ve wanted, I’m being asked to wait. It’s even harder for me because I can consider myself a “spoiled daughter”—not used to having “no” for an answer.

Maybe not many people would understand why I need to make this decision. Some do, and I greatly appreciate it. In this situation, it’s so easy and so sweet to just say “yes”. That would be an easy road to take, and I would be a hypocrite to say that I’m not tempted to take that road. The goal is at hand, but I have to turn back and walk away from it because there are things that I cannot compromise, lines I cannot cross. When you’re to choose between something you desperately want and your conviction, the decision is never easy. It’s painstaking and shattering, even. What makes it more difficult is when you know the answer—when you know you have to take that other road less traveled.

Again, I have to wait it all out and let the storm pass. I have to tell myself, “When you can’t see His hand, trust His heart.”

As I drowned out all emotions with my iPod’s help and stared blankly at the long, slippery road on the way back to Manila, I couldn’t help but ask: If this is not meant for me, what is? If this isn’t the right time, when is? Because honestly, I’m getting a bit tired. And so as I make the decision to walk away, I just pray that in the future, when I look back at this moment, I can be proud and say it was all worth it. In the meantime, I allow myself to drown in lethargy and fade out.

gigabytes come in neat, little packages

Ooh lala red!

This afternoon, I went to Francis' place to get the CDs I left with him. I need those discs for some review I'm doing. Also, I need him to accompany me in buying a CF card, which I've long put on hold. There's no better time to buy a 2-gig card but now. Otherwise, I'd be forced to bring my laptop to our Albay trip this Monday-Wednesday just so I can transfer photos and free up my hardworking 1G card (I'm the official photographer again for this trip! Yey!). Considering that I usually bring a lot of baggages when I go on out-of-town trips (being the pack rat that I am), adding a laptop bag to my list is not always a good idea.

So we headed to SM North Cyberzone to check out the stores for the most reasonably priced 2GB CF card. We found only two stores, and it was a matter of choosing between Transcend and Kingston. Called up Cos to see what he can recommend, and he told me both brands are okay. But Francis has apprehensions getting Kingston, so I decided to go for Transcend (with a speed of 133x). It cost me only P860, which made me smile with glee.

After rejoicing for a good buy, we proceeded to Villman. Francis asked for the specs and price of a portable hard drive, and I had this feeling that that was his belated happy birthday present for me. Indeed, it is! After asking around for a good deal, we settled for a 160GB Western Digital My Passport Essential™ portable hard drive in fabulous red. The neat thing measures about 3x6 (passport size nga!) and is about half an inch thick. Such a little dandy gadget to have, especially because I need to back up photos every now and then.

A few hours ago before this techie shopping, I was gently scolding Francis for still not giving me a birthday present. But seeing my new toy, I can say that good things come to those who wait (ahem, ahem).

Thanks, Pangga! You're my gadget boy. Haha!

Now off I go to my backing up project.

and isn't it ironic?

Sometimes, life has a way of biting you in the ass--hard.

Going home this evening, I had to stop from crying and making a fool out of myself in the FX. So I just sat there, wallowing in self-pity and asking questions starting with "why".

I've only wanted this one Thing, been so dying to have it. And I know I deserve to have that one Thing. But I see others getting it--and taking it for granted. It just hurts to see how some people take that one Thing for granted--that one Thing I've so longed for. And as selfish or boastful as it may sound, it hurts even more to know that in one aspect or another, I deserve that one Thing more than they do. But why does it seem like I'm asking for the moon? Why haven't I gotten there yet when I've been working my ass off for it?

So this is how it feels to be plagiarized--to see someone bring home all the goodies that you deserve in the first place.

Perhaps I have to remind myself, "In God's time, Shine...in God's time."

Please, God, let that time be now.