sometimes i wish i were a tactless beyotch

There are some things I can live with--snide comments I can let pass and just ignore for my own peace of mind. Or some misconceptions about me by some people who easily judge my being loud as a sign of, say, having loose morals, as absurd as such judgment may sound. I mean, what would I get from convincing you otherwise, right? It's not like I'm in showbiz trying to act prude and all that just for publicity. Duh.

Then again, there are other misconceptions about me that get to me. Case in point: I am a talkative person; I never run out of stories or things to say, and some of my friends find that nice because at least I don't bore them to death. Some people, however, misconstrue my being loquacious for my being untrustworthy--as if I would announce to the whole world the dear secrets they'd tell me. Some would even go to lengths as to subtly accuse me of spilling their beans when in fact, and to begin with, the information does not even pass the criteria of being a secret; there was not even an agreement to keep mum about the information anyway. (Analogy: would you actually consider having a new watch a secret when people would eventually notice you're wearing it? COME ON!) Well, hello--I may possibly know more secrets about them than they maybe aware of; and if I were the blabbermouth they think I am, they'd probably be more than embarrassed/ashamed by now.

Which brings me to the point: At times when I feel insulted because some people nonchalantly pass such judgment on me to my face, I just keep my mouth shut. I push away that need to retort back, thinking that if I did, I might go overboard and end up stepping on someone's foot. I have this annoying tendency to just let it all go and pretend that for the next few minutes of the conversation, I was not offended. We're still all good friends; on to happy chit-chat. I tend to try to ignore it, and to my dismay, I usually succeed. I may have succeeded at ignoring and letting it all pass for so many times now that this is the only time I've actually opened up about the issue.

So yes, sometimes I really wish I were a tactless b*tch who doesn't care if I hurt other people's feelings, for as long as I've defended myself from their harsh judgments.

Maybe today I should start becoming one. It's pretty tiring to be Ms. Nice all the time.