a love affair with order and chaos

A couple of years ago, I could not see myself working as a freelancer. Back then, the idea of not being a part of a company did not appeal to me. I could not imagine myself working at home because that was too boring. I tried that for a month or two, when I was in between jobs, but I felt like I was growing roots telecommuting. I wanted Christmas parties and company outings. How trivial, right?

Fast forward to a few years: I was imagining, no visualizing, myself sitting at a cozy corner in a coffee shop, furiously typing on my laptop as I try to beat article deadlines; or I'm at home, waking up early in the morning to prepare breakfast for my husband, then napping again and waking up late in the morning to attend to domestic duties in between freelance stints. There's not much stress--only a degree of that that I can manage. In place of uncontrolled chaos is some kind of order that gives me the career satisfaction that I need. 

That vision came true. I am living it now. I am no longer a slave to emotional, physical and mental stress that used to box me in. I no longer wake up each morning dreading deadlines and cranky clients and Murphy's Law. My phone is no longer ringing off the hook. I am free from inhumane multi-tasking. I am free from sudden bursts of rage because of projects (and people) who drive me crazy. There's less crankiness in me now. 

Now, there's more balance. My freelancing stints interspersed with my copy editing part-time job give me just the right kind of busy-ness. In fact, I am enjoying this new experience of managing my schedule. So far, so good, never mind if I get constantly derailed by the Internet whenever I sit down to write or edit an article. My part-time work injects that kind of routinary rhythm that balances off the unpredictability of my freelance career. I don't get overwhelmed too often nor do I get bored too much. In other words, what I do now is something sane, something I should have done two years ago.

But there are really no regrets. I know it's never too late for me to be trying this. I also know that I may eventually find myself signing up for another day job, sooner or later (when that happens, I pray that I do it voluntarily and not because I don't have any other choice). 

Right now, I am basking in this new-found career freedom, and I shall enjoy every single drop of this. This is a blessing that should never be taken for granted, a kind of peace that I will always thank God for.