It reared its ugly head once again, just when I thought I'm already free from it.
I thought I can finally be happy whenever someone I know becomes pregnant. Sure, I still feel a tinge of envy, but at least I know it's already under control. I've already managed to feel happy for others.
Or so I thought.
Until a good couple friend announced that they're expecting, after years of waiting for that bundle of joy. Suddenly, when Francis told me the news, those feelings I so detest and hate came rushing back with a vengeance. It was all so sudden, so sneaky, so raw. I was left powerless again, and soon enough, I was sobbing, sobbing, sobbing. Once again, I feel sorry for myself, I feel so selfish; I blame how and ask why my body would betray me like that, why it would deprive me of that kind of joy and suspend that celebration of life, even though I know hope isn't really lost. Once again, I question when; I feel this hatred towards the wait that seems to go on and on and on. It's tiring to wait, really.
It's like I never really healed, and that I was only led to believe that I already got over this.
2 comments:
*hugz*
My sister also had an ectopic pregnancy... just as I have her in my thoughts, I just wanted you to know that you were in mine today. Saying a prayer for you <3
Thank you so much, Diane. I really appreciate it. It can get pretty tough sometimes, but I trust that the Lord will heal the hurt soon, and grant us our own little bundle of joy. I just need to be patient.
Your sister will be in my prayers as well. *hugs*
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