I made a promise to myself that starting this year, I will no longer allow that Ugly Feeling, that Sneaky Little Monster, to take control of me. I will do everything I can to keep it at bay, and then maybe when it gets tired of attempting to consume me, it'll finally disappear forever.
It's a tall order, because a few weeks into this new year, three people I know made that announcement just days apart of each other. I was still reeling from the first when the second Facebook status came, and the third was posted three days after. I really did try my very, very best to ignore the negative feeling that such news stirs in me. But at some point, the rope had to break, and I had to sob a little again.
I guess it would be very unfair of me to expect myself to heal from this right away. I think it's best if I take things one at a time, and celebrate small victories like hitting the "Like" button or leaving a "Congratulations!" comment. I need to give myself some credit for attempting to do these, knowing that a year ago, I couldn't even feel genuinely happy for my friends who were then expecting. At least now, I really am able to share in their happiness, even for just a fleeting moment.
Small steps. I sincerely believe I will eventually get there.
This promise I made is crucial to my healing. I just have to put it down in writing so that I will remember to forget.
P.S.
To my dear husband, thank you for never, ever getting tired of giving me comfort.
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