busy, busy holiday

In between last-minute holiday shopping and all the holiday preparations, Francis and I got so busy ironing out a couple more items on our checklist before we get to say "I do" two months from now. Thank the Lord for making my asthma go away fast, we only had to deal with a one-day delay in our schedule of wedding prep activities.

Dec. 20 was our pre-cana seminar in UP Parish, where we had to seriously consider and tackle serious marriage issues to ensure that we really are marrying for the right purpose. A week before that, we had to drop by the Taytay church to have our wedding bann posted (to make sure no one "hinders" our marriage. Haha!). Then just before the long holiday break started, we've already booked our flight to our honeymoon destination--Bohol--as well as our hotel there, Amorita. Isn't the place oh-so-lovely?!?! Then today, we had our invites printed and our purty wedding bands ordered (was supposed to do these yesterday had it not been for my asthma and a slight fever). Before work begins next week, we're hoping to book the bridal car, check the invitation sample print, fix the seat plan, and search for a house we can rent for a few months/years. (But of course, we're still hoping to find a great deal for a house and lot that we can purchase within our first year as hubby and wifey).

Just a couple more items to check: my shoes, the reception program, the band, the choir from our church (I'll let my maid of honor, my sis, take care of this), my pastor's sermon during the reception (I need to remind him about this), wedding vows, wedding cake, place cards, table names, thank you tags for the favors, and a meetup with our caterer to finalize table and reception venue setups. Oh, we also need to meet with our emcees, our good friends Ate Jha and Chad; and also with our reception organizers, siblings Jai and Jael. And of course, there are some more expenses to settle. Whew! But we're so glad we're already done with the major details of the wedding. I am especially looking forward to the first week of January as I'll be fitting my wedding gown already! Weeee!

Best of all, I'm so happy I can cartwheel with joy to know that my groom is as excited (if not more than) as I am. Every day that brings us nearer to THE date only brings us closer, making me realize how blessed I am to be marrying him.

P.S.
We're still contemplating if we're still to have our pre-nup photo shoot, what with all our photos spanning 10 years! And if ever we decide to go for it, we're looking at Baguio. And if we're to go to Baguio for the shoot, it better be this January...Hmmm...

pay it forward to Mang Milton of UP Palma Hall

May the Lord bless Mang Milton...and to those who didn't pay their loans, please have a heart to at least visit or help out Mang Milton in whatever way you can.


Story HERE.

a happy, happy day!

Three wonderful things happened today.

Last night, on the way home after watching Twilight with Francis, Cindy and her friend Mel in Robinsons Galleria (was disappointed by the movie, by the way), I realized I didn't have my Starbucks planner with me--which means, I must've left it somewhere, either in Podium or Galleria. But then again, when I tried to recall real hard where I probably have left it, I don't remember ever having it with me when we were in Galleria. That must mean I left it somewhere in Podium, in the 2nd level comfort room, if memory serves me right. So early this morning, I immediately called the Podium administration to report what happened, and they were very kind enough to accommodate my dilemma. A certain Mr. Gomez entertained my call. He got my name and contact number, assuring me he'd endorse the issue to their secretary, Michelle. I called them at 8am; come 10:30, our phone rang and my sister called for me, saying someone from Podium was calling. I was so happy to hear from Michelle that they did find my planner! It was pure joy! That planner contains 11 months of my 2008 life, so I prayed really hard that I'd be able to find it. So before meeting with Francis tomorrow for our "official" anniversary date, I'll drop by Podium to claim my beloved planner.

Then this afternoon, my sister and I went to Divisoria to check on the color of the fabric for my entourage. I was worried that the couturier would really have a hard time finding the perfect fabric in the perfect shade of plum we want. But lo and behold, after an exhausting walk to the couturier's stall, they found a better one! Wooopee! Happy bride I am!

And since we were in Divisoria, we made most of the time by scouring the place for the perfect wedding favor, which is the only thing unchecked in our list. Francis and I were hoping to find something musically themed. After minutes of walking and pushing around amid the crowd, sis and I were disappointed to see that the many wedding giveaways there are the ordinary ones that didn't really suit our taste. We decided to just head home, as my sis still has to attend choir practice by 7pm. She decided we take a short cut, hoping to find an easier (and less crowded) way back to where we can hail a PUV to the LRT station. Unfortunately, it was a bad decision; we found ourselves squished among a stream of busy shoppers, and I had to scold my sister for insiting we take that "short cut". Good thing there's this sidestreet with less people (but a tad crowded with mechandise). And just before turning another street, we passed by this quaint store, Grandway Commercial, housing lots of figurines and other house decor. I dragged my sister in to see if we can find something nice. We were barely in the store for five mintues when I found these cute steel figurines holding various musical instruments! It's like I was meant to find them! Such serendipity! Not wasting any time, I took a picture of one figurine, sent it to Francis, and hurriedly called him to ask his opinion. I wasn't disappointed--he loves them! Therefore, I haggled for a more reasonable price and told the sales clerk I'd be back as soon as I can to finalize my order. It's been a blessing finding that store! They also have lots of wonderful, quirky pieces that'll spice up any home--cute salt and pepper shakers, a beehive container (yes, a beehive!), antique-looking oriental chests, and other wonderful stuff.

Thank the Lord for a blessed day!

this is our first decade together

Dear Francis,

Forgive me for writing at this hour; this is my little way of consoling myself for losing to you every time I try to beat you to greeting us a “Happy Anniversary”. This is also me anticipating losing to you (yet again) tomorrow. I’ll try so hard not to, because I won’t get to greet you a “Happy 10th Anniversary!” in person until another 10 years has gone by. Anyway, I just want you to know that…

When we’re old and grey, I still need you to intertwine your calloused fingers with mine.
When we’re old and grey, I still need you to plant soft kisses on my wrinkled forehead.
When we’re old and grey, I still need you to strum your guitar and accompany my hoarse melodies.
When we’re old and grey, I still need you to tell me those outdated jokes—and I will still laugh like they’re the best jokes ever.
When we’re old and grey, I still need you to call me silly names that make me want to slap your flabby arms.
When we’re old and grey, I still need you to make up stories that I would believe as if they’re history.
When we’re old and grey, I still need you to wrap your arms around my frail shoulders.
When we’re old and grey, I still need you to listen to my endless chattering.
When we’re old and grey, I still need you to remain calm while I throw a fuss like any old woman would.
When we’re old and grey,
I still need you.

Happy 10th Anniversary to us, Pangga. I can’t wait for another decade spent with you— blessed by the Lord. Another decade and another and another and another…

i shall flash

Flash me!

I thought Francis won't be giving me the flash I've been pining for for our 10th anniversary, primarily due to budget constraints (we're still in for a lot of wedding spending!). And I never would've minded it, really. But the Master of Surprises pulled another hat trick and voila! a Canon Speedlite 430EX II became mine for the taking. Never mind if I failed to comply with our be-at-work-by-9am-at-the-latest-for-two-months deal. The sacrifice, though, is our celebration on the 30th (the 26th day of this month is our official date)--we may not have that grand date we were planning, but who cares! I'll just take tons of pictures of us two. Hahaha! Nah, I'm sure we can cook up an extra-special date that doesn't require breaking the bank.

Pangga, THANK YOU!

But there's only one thing that displeases me: now that iPod indeed pales in comparison with the flash. Hmf!

P.S.
Cos, thanks again for helping Francis. Hahaha!

license to wed

Fresh from the QC Hall, Civil Registry, Window 10

Wooohoooo!!!

You know those moments when you're just utterly at lost for words? That was how I felt when I finally held those precious papers that legitimize our intention to marry. I may have looked like a weird, little girl with a silly smile plastered on my face when I stepped out of the Civil Registry building, making my way to the DOH building to briefly meet my dad.

Of course, I was again running late. Took a half-day off from work to run to QC Hall for our marriage license. I was afraid I'd never make it on time and would have to wait until after lunch for office hours to resume. But I was right on time--40 minutes before lunch. I only had to wait for about 10 minutes before "Funa" was called. I promptly stood up, refraining myself from dashing to Window 10. Wow. I stood up at the call of "Funa". Wow. Wee!

So there I was, beaming as I held the license. The moment was surreal but magnificent.

Well, I bet every moment of February 28, 2009 will be surreal. In fact, I think every day thereafter will be...

wedding mania

It all started one or two weeks back.

Seems like my waking moments these days (hello, even in my dreaming state!) are very much pre-occupied with the thought of getting married--starting from the big day itself to the days and months and years and decades after that.

I admit that having my weekends devoted to wedding preparations is tiring, but I find joy in it. We decided not to hire a wedding coordinator because Francis and I know we can handle everything (aside from the fact that hiring one costs A LOT! But we're getting one for the day itself.) In fact, I enjoy having to mind the nitty gritty. Maybe I have to thank being in an industry that calls for close attention to details.

At this point, we already have a printer to make our invites; and we've already found a couturier to make the gown, barongs and dresses. It's just a matter of finalizing the entourage so we can set a date for the measurement and get the sewing machines rolling. I'm a bit anxious about this as we only have less than three weeks in order to keep to our schedule. Measuring (is that the correct term?) has to be made by the second week of November at the latest, so we can have the fitting by the end of December or first week of January. I'm so excited!!!

Then, when before I used to ignore billboards of condos and houses, now I pay more attention to them. Just the thought of moving into a new nesting place come first quarter of next year makes me all giddy. But before that, there's our honeymoon. We're looking at two options: Hong Kong or Bohol. Given enough moolah, we'd choose the former. But then again, I think that even if we do, maybe I'd (my sole opinion here) go for Bohol because 1) I fell in love with it--it's fantastic! My first (overnight) trip there made me crave for a longer stay; and 2) I'd rather that we save the extra money for a good place. Where we sleep after the honeymoon is far more important, right? I'm sure Francis shares the same sentiment. But definitely, we'd be saving up for an out-of-the-country future trip in case our Hong Kong dream gets junked. It's just that if we're to go on a honeymoon a day after we say "I do", we need to start booking our flight and accommodation by as early as next month. That means we need to make up our minds before October ends! Whew!

So anyway, that's it for now. I just reall, REALLY can't wait to get married. It's the start of a new, fantastic life with Pangga! Woohoo!

P.S.
There's another wedding expo this weekend at the Megatrade Hall, where we'll scout for the perfect wedding band! We actually saw a very classy pair at Suarez in Gateway, and I immediately fell in love with them. We just need to make sure if there are better ones out there.

i found a new addiction

I guess I'm someone who's always believed that writing notes on paper trumps the techie way of pressing keys--on a laptop, a desktop computer or a Palm Pilot. I've always found novelty in using good ol' pen and paper. I prefer keeping track of my schedule with my moleskin Starbucks planner (looking forward to a new one this holiday!). I enjoy taking notes of sudden bursts of creativity on a notebook. So it's no surprise that when I stumbled upon these wonderfully pretty notebooks by Paper Blanks, I was smitten.

Fast forward to a few weeks, those lovely notebooks are still on my mind; and yesterday, I have made up my mind to run to the (relatively) new Fully Booked right beside Shangri-la Hotel after work and fulfill my notebook fantasies. And as if destined to happen, our payslip reflected no tax deduction (hence, more money to spare/spend), so there was more motivation to pursue my mission. Cindy, who also went gaga over Paper Blanks, was easily coaxed into buying with me.

Fast forward to a few hours, Jenny, Cindy and I found ourselves entering the kingdom of Fully Booked, with only 15 minutes left before the store closes. Cindy and I were really running around like two headless chickens, not sure which design to buy. Good thing for her, Cindy found the design she first fell in love with. I, on the other hand, had to settle for a notebook bearing the same design that I like but of a different color. Yet fate was kind to me that night: just when I was about to pay for my purchase, my eyes hovered on this revolving acrylic shelf carrying these other notebooks, and there I found my love--a slim, Smythe sewn pad with Lyon Floral design and a magnetic strap enclosure. I jumped with glee! The lovely thing shall serve as my official wedding notebook!

And as if one notebook wasn't enough, Cindy and I couldn't resist the others on display as well. They were of another brand, and a couple of hundreds cheaper than Paper Blanks (I got one by Teneues in a Breakfast at Tiffany's artwork!). So there: Cindy and I ended up panic-buying, while Jen reserved some notepads/sketchpads for her revived sketching passion.

Without further ado, I present my precious buys:

Smythe sewn Paper Blank Journal in Lyon Floral design (slim), P777,
(3 1/2 x 7, 176 pp., with a memento pouch and ribbon page marker, acid-free!)

Teneues Line Journal, small (10 x 15cm),
with garter enclosure and a memento pouch

This one is for a future purchase. I just hope by then, this is already locally available.

Smythe sewn Paper Blank Journal in Good Dog (Darn Itch!) design (5 x 7, 176 pp., with a memento pouch, magnetic strap enclosure and ribbon page marker)

sometimes i wish i were a tactless beyotch

There are some things I can live with--snide comments I can let pass and just ignore for my own peace of mind. Or some misconceptions about me by some people who easily judge my being loud as a sign of, say, having loose morals, as absurd as such judgment may sound. I mean, what would I get from convincing you otherwise, right? It's not like I'm in showbiz trying to act prude and all that just for publicity. Duh.

Then again, there are other misconceptions about me that get to me. Case in point: I am a talkative person; I never run out of stories or things to say, and some of my friends find that nice because at least I don't bore them to death. Some people, however, misconstrue my being loquacious for my being untrustworthy--as if I would announce to the whole world the dear secrets they'd tell me. Some would even go to lengths as to subtly accuse me of spilling their beans when in fact, and to begin with, the information does not even pass the criteria of being a secret; there was not even an agreement to keep mum about the information anyway. (Analogy: would you actually consider having a new watch a secret when people would eventually notice you're wearing it? COME ON!) Well, hello--I may possibly know more secrets about them than they maybe aware of; and if I were the blabbermouth they think I am, they'd probably be more than embarrassed/ashamed by now.

Which brings me to the point: At times when I feel insulted because some people nonchalantly pass such judgment on me to my face, I just keep my mouth shut. I push away that need to retort back, thinking that if I did, I might go overboard and end up stepping on someone's foot. I have this annoying tendency to just let it all go and pretend that for the next few minutes of the conversation, I was not offended. We're still all good friends; on to happy chit-chat. I tend to try to ignore it, and to my dismay, I usually succeed. I may have succeeded at ignoring and letting it all pass for so many times now that this is the only time I've actually opened up about the issue.

So yes, sometimes I really wish I were a tactless b*tch who doesn't care if I hurt other people's feelings, for as long as I've defended myself from their harsh judgments.

Maybe today I should start becoming one. It's pretty tiring to be Ms. Nice all the time.

coffee dew (acoustic) at 9 Mile

At the Songwriters' Night last Sept. 30, 08

Coffee Dew (acoustic)
Lyrics: Sunshine Selga
Music/Arrangement: Francis Funa

after we fall (acoustic) at 9 Mile

At the Songwriters' Night last Sept. 30, 08

After We Fall (acoustic)
Lyrics/Music/Arrangement: Francis Funa

when art imitates life

Another article out in Cosmo Sept. ish! This time, it's all about wise spending. So I guess this is life's way of telling me that I should seriously learn to save and budget for my future family life. Hahaha!

--

Q: What's your romantic bonding ritual?

A: (Please click to enlarge) Teehee!

(On a mushy note:) A few weeks back, Sam (Cosmo's Managing Ed) told me she read this snippet of mine in Cosmo Feb ish. I totally forgot about this one. But I remember Leslie (former Cosmo Managing Ed) asking me a question about me and my fiancé's romantic ritual. Am so glad my answer came out! Yey!

japanese boy guitar prodigy yeah!

Oh my, this kid is amazing!!!

my name is Shain Chain

Hello there, Shain Chain!

Yesterday at Starbucks in Tagaytay, I got a a brand new name for meself: Shain Chain, also spelled as Shean Chai.

With our orders in hand, Francis amusedly told me that the barista had a very difficult time pronouncing my name. I thought, "How can that be? What's so hard about pronouncing 'sunshine'?" Then I foudn out as soon as our cups landed on the table: On mine was written "Shain Chain". And as if one new name isn't enough, on Francis' Java Chip cup read "Shean Chai". I can only imagine how puzzling it was for the poor barista to pronounce those two names! Hahahah! Now where's Dao Ming Si?





Anyway, I was so excited about last Saturday because for the first time ever, I went on an out-of-town trip ALONE, commuting. Ever since Francis was assigned to Cavite (since his first assignment there last year), he had been nagging me about not visiting him there. Bad me. So this time around, I resolved to give him a visit, never mind the 4 grueling hours of trip it entails, and the possibility that I'd get lost. But good thing I did not. I may not be that good in directions, but I'm thankful I have a good memory when it comes to landmarks.

Having left home at around 8:30, I finally got to Cavite whole at around 12:30. And because Trece is such a "happening" town, we ended up having lunch at Jollibee. Now don't get me wrong: comparing the old Trece (last year) with what/how it looks now, there really are good improvements. When last year there were just 7-11,Chowking and Jollibee for dining options, now there's Red Ribbon. The once bare road is now busy with tiangges. I'm sure the place will be on it's way to more developments soon.

After lunch, we headed to Tagaytay, which is another first: it was our first time to go there commuting. Good thing there are airconditioned buses faring the road to Tagaytay.

The funny/annoying/freaky part was, upon alighting from the bus, there were these tricycle drivers offering us their services (they'll tour you around the place for a price, of course) left and right. However, there was this annoyingly insistent driver who first blocked our way that we had to skirt close beside his trike in order to pass the road. He kept on following us and stopping to block our way. After 3 more irritating tries, I could already feel the anger rising to the surface. I had but to blurt out "Kuya hindi nga e! Ang kulit mo!" (We said no! Stop being persistent!). We thought that ought to make him stop. WRONG! He still kept on hounding us. By this time, I was already freaked out. So in order to lose him, we stopped by 7-11 to buy a bottle of mineral water, hoping that by the time we step out of the store, annoying driver has already gone to bug other people. WRONG AGAIN! He was still there, bent on persuading us. Unfortunately for him, a jeep came along and we hurriedly got in. That dude really scared me!


Anyway, we just chose to hang out in Starbucks for a couple of hours. had we not eaten lunch, we would've given in to our craving for The Boutique. I was already imagining their generous serving of this seafood dish swimming in heavenly delicious white soup (I forgot the name). Even while waiting for a bus to Manila, Francis can't help but pine for The Boutique. Wah!

Next time we hit Tagaytay, we'll definitely visit The Boutique again. And we'll make sure to bring a car so we can make a longer stay. (Francis, on the other hand, upon discovering how easy it is to commute from Trece Martires to Tagaytay, announced gleefully that he'll come back whenever he feels bored. He can only have so much of Jollibee/Chowking/Red Ribbon.)

(More cam-whoring here.)

speculating on changes that are spankin' good

I've hardly been receptive to changes, especially the sudden ones. Like when Francis would suddenly decide to just meet some place else when I'm already headed to the original meeting place, or when there's an impromptu client meeting that wasn't listed down in my planner. Such ruin my day, albeit varying in degree.

Getting married is definitely one of these changes--a big one--yet I do not find myself disliking it a bit. In fact, I feel a sense of peace and solitude when I think of the many other big changes that would come crashing down on my lap after we walk down the aisle. I find it amazing to actually be looking forward to something like this--something that would force my life to make a 180-degree turn. The mere possibility of changing careers even makes me grin, because definitely, I would soon be considering whether I should still keep my present job or wave hello to other (hopefully greener) pasture(s) (If you ask Francis, he'd gladly tell you his take on this issue--the latter). It's weird, this feeling. I have never been this happy nor excited about such a big shift that would affect my whole life. It's like after getting married, I have all the excuses in the world to change, too--some things I may not even have control of (like how big my belly would get because of a baby bump; I would finally be getting fat!).

Of course, it's not all wonderful butterflies in my tummy. I'm also scared. I wouldn't know how I can handle all those 180-degree turns, or what would come next, or if making decisions and coming up with the answer would be as easy as choosing between wearing flat shoes or stacked heels. But the Lord will be my fortress. OUR fortress. And I shall be with THE man He gave exclusively and generously to me.

I never thought that having to face many looming major changes in my life would be this deliciously exciting!

slasher alert!

Poor bag of mine...

On my way home from a whole day shoot at Daddy Ocs', my bag got slashed in a PUJ. I was with Cindy, and we were pre-occupied with yakking that I hardly noticed my 1-week old bag getting slashed. I was just annoyed by this burly man crowding me that I passed it up as something normal in a public vehicle jampacked with tired people all wanting to go home and get out of the rain. So yadda, yadda, yadda, and then good thing I glanced at my bag, only to see this burly man's hand reaching for something on my lap. Then I saw it: about 3 inches of a gaping slash marring the bottom of my grey, patent leatherette bag (seconds later, I saw there's another longer one opposite it)! That's when I panicked and went rummaging through my things to see if that jerk got hold of my valuables. During this time, I was already half-shouting that my bag got slashed, and seeing that my phones, wallet etc. weren't stolen, I went on to tell Cindy (and the rest of the passengers) that the man beside me is the culprit. By this time, too, the man was in a hurry to alight from the jeep. He flagged the PUJ at Ligaya, and I was somewhat battling with myself whether or not to grab him by the arm and make everyone know he was attempting to steal from me, or just kick him on the butt while he made his way out of the jeep. I really can't remember now what I was planning to do that moment--only that I wanted to be violent towards that jerk who took advantage of me. Thinking about it now makes my teeth grit in anger!

Still, I had to be grateful that none of my valuables were stolen. Cindy was making me calm down, saying that it's okay and that the worst thing that could have happened (aside from my things getting stolen) was me making a scene and the man hurting me with whatever sharp object he used to slash my bag. Yes, good thing nothing bloody like that happened. I just couldn't imagine what I would've done if he was able to steal anything from me. Maybe I would've done something stupid to make him give it back before he could even alight from the jeep (there was ample time to make me do it), and it could've turned ugly. (Sometimes, I tend to react without really thinking.) So yeah, after calming down, I was thankful to God that nothing worse happened.

And to forget the incident, I resolved to mend my bag. I couldn't wait for tomorrow to bring it to Mr. Quickie to have it repaired. Anyway, I think I made a decent repair.




Hay. All is well that ends well. Thank You, Lord!

P.S.
Thanks to Cindy for calming me sane. Haha!
And to all commuters, be extra cautious when riding a PUV along Katipunan. My sis also got her bag slashed when she rode a jeep in the same area. Beware also of a burly man who'd suspiciously crowd you--or any person for that matter!

"just don't think our anniversary is the 10th of may. it's the 9th...of march"

Because I need to get my mind off things...

Thanks again, Pat, for sharing about Def Poetry.

"...where ideas kiss similes so deeply that metaphors get jealous"

Poems and poets like this make me green with envy.

P.S.
Thanks to Pat E. for sharing. Miss you, my dear!

a night of reunions

Just one of my very few decent photos of the concert.

"Magkahawak ang ating kamay at walang kamalay-malay, na tinuruan mo ang puso ko na umibig nang tunay..." - Ang Huling El Bimbo by the Eraserheads

Though one of my favorite Eheads songs, Ang Huling El Bimbo, was not played due to an emergency (Ely Buendia, the band's front man, was rushed to the hospital after the first set, hence cutting the concert short. Hope he gets well real soon), being in the midst of a Pinoy music phenomenon with other thousands of fans is an experience that would make it to my personal history. In fact, I am not surprised that by now, just a day after the much anticipated reunion concert, a lot of blog entries have already been written and read, professing of how the event turned an ordinary night into something extraordinary, and what the band/their music meant to the authors.

I wasn't much of a fan, not in a sense where I would follow every single detail of the band's life. But there is no denying that my generation has been greatly inspired, if not influenced and shaped, by the music of the Eraserheads. Eraserheads, for me, means high school and early college, and everything that comes in between those years. Songs like Sembreak, Torpedo, Minsan and Pare Ko (the three latter songs weren't performed, unfortunately) conjure up memories that in a way define what my life was as a geeky high school student and a hopeful college freshie. It was particularly nostalgic to see clips of my dear alma mater, UP Diliman, being flashed in the big screen--not really just a mere part of the visual effects for the concert but because those four cool guys actually hailed from the same university, were my seniors, and first met in the Kalayaan Residence Hall (a dorm for freshies).

Yes, it was indeed unfortunate not to see Eheads perform more songs that would've made everyone, including me, jump, bump and sing out loud with glee and pride. But seeing them and hearing all those nostalgic melodies once again--live--and bumping into old friends who share the same admiration for the music is an experience worth cherishing.

P.S.
Photos to be uploaded in my multiply soon.

unlabeled emotion (translation: i think i am a psychologically screwed up person)

Sometimes, I really do make things complicated for myself.

Perfect example would be what transpired today: let's just say I got a good career break--something I should be very happy and gleeful about. I mean, I am happy about it and I sincerely thank God for it; it's just that I know I should feel a higher degree of happiness. Any normal person would, so I guess this lack of exuberant emotion makes me a retard. What's worse--I can't label what I feel. It's not being ungrateful but more like, I dunno, can I say oblivious/indifferent? I'm really trying my best here to feel the appropriate emotions. Trying really hard...And I hate myself for having to try when I shouldn't even be trying but just feeling!

What the heck is wrong with me?

Somebody help figure me out. Please!

my first attempt at domestication

The idea suddenly sprang in my head during one of those days when I was stuck at home nursing my asthma (so this must be a sick idea. Haha!): I've decided to cook for Francis. I've decided to cook. Period.

Not that this was my first attempt. I already whipped up some mediocre meal for him years back, with my lola's help. This time, I've decided to be on my own. The menu: Chicken in creamy mushroom sauce.

So yesterday afternoon, I was at the supermarket (yes, I now appreciate having a mall in the neighborhood) shopping for my ingredients. During the grocery trip, I had this brilliant idea to not only cook the main course but prepare some appetizer (potato salad with a dash of thyme) and dessert (milky melon and banana), too. A full-course meal. So ambitious of me, eh?

There I was at the refrigerated section of the supermarket, clueless as to how shitake mushrooms look like fresh. Button mushrooms are easy (especially the canned ones), but my recipe calls for the former. When I saw these shrooms peeking out from the shelf, I made sure to look at the label to avoid picking out the wrong kind. And when my hands finally landed on shitakes, I thought to myself, "Ano ba 'tong pinasok ko?" (What have I gotten myself into?). I mean, how do I go about cooking them, much more slicing them first? It's a pretty easy dilemma, I know; but for someone like me who's never a regular at the kitchen, such trivial questions could very well equate to calculus.

But to be honest about it, I felt excited and giddy, albeit nervous. So when I got home, there's no other way to see if I'm making a big mistake but to try and make some sample.

After about an hour of kitchen heat, I managed to survive the ordeal. I think what I've prepared are decent enough not to rush someone to the nearest hospital due to food poisoning. My sister even finished her share as a sign of approval. I felt somewhat relieved and proud at the same time. I only had to wait for the next day for the verdict.

---

Dinner was served with anticipation. So anxious was I that I almost forgot to prepare my own plate and would have opted for Francis to try his first and wait for his reaction. After sitting down, Francis took his first spoonful. I held my breath. "Wow, sarap!" was my fiance's first reaction. I had to make sure he was telling me the truth and not just acting as my (polite) fiance. Seriously, he better be honest because he'll probably end up eating whatever I would serve him the moment we're married. There is no turning back for him, right? So I took his compliment as the truth after seeing him ask for another serving. He not only loved the main course, he also had three servings of my potato salad and two servings of my dessert! Wahahaha! It was a success! I can't believe it!

The only downside: since I don't know any better when it comes to approximating how many/much of each ingredient I'm supposed to buy, I ended up having an extra can of cream of chicken, 5 more pieces of shitake mushrooms and a handful of basil leaves. I guess I'd have to prepare some chicken soup soon before those ingredients expire.

So there, first attempt at domesticating myself has been a success. I just hate the now-wash-the-dishes part. And I wish I was able to take a couple of pictures of my masterpiece as proof. Never mind, there will be a next time. Heehee!

P.S.
Thanks to Mems for letting me bug her about shitake mushrooms and basil leaves.

tagged, and you may be tagged, too

Was tagged by Jay, my gay lover. I even got scolded for not attending to this meme right away. He can be so demanding. Ahaha!

People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who tagged them & cannot tag the person who tagged them. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. How has Multiply/Blogger changed your life?
I now have the whole www to talk to when I'm bored, or just plain in the mood for "talking". I can be über mushy, angsty or simply senseless and I don't even care because hey, it's my blog!

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Cleanse my face with an astringent, surf the net, yak on the phone with Francis, and have my quiet time.

3. What are you going to have for dinner tonight?
I've no idea yet. Maybe the same menu as my baon for lunch: sweetened ribs (my mom's specialty).

4. What is the ONE place you want to go to before you die if you had the money and the time?
With Francis, either up in the cold mountains (the Alps? That place where Heidi and her grandpa live in the book, Heidi [by Johanna Spyri]) or a serene but very scenic beach like a remote resort in Hawaii or the Caribbean.

5. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
I'd like to believe I'm an extrovert. But I confuse myself because I can also be an introvert sometimes. Case to case basis.

6. What do you do in your free time?
Read books, listen to music, watch DVDs, sleep. And when I'm visited by the muse, I try to write.

7. Do you trust easily?
Before, yes. Now, I test the waters first. (But I easily get attached.)

8. What personal belonging do you have with you everywhere you go?
My mobile phone--inside my big bag that has other things, which make for aching shoulders at the end of the day.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yes. Quite a handful. "Unhappy" is such an understatement. I just try to not wallow in it. For one, there's Francis being assigned in Cavite for five friggin' months. And then...

10. What is your best quality?
I can say that I easily get along well with people, and that I have a sense of humor, albeit shallow. Haha!

11. Is being tagged fun?
Yes, it is. Especially when I don't have anything to blog about. Tagging can be a legit reason to blog away.

12. How do you see yourself?
I make my own life complex in one way or another. So yes, complicated and a contradiction of sorts.

13. Do you prefer rain or snow?
I love it when it drizzles. But I also want to experience snow, given that I don't get frostbites or die of hypothermia.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Jay is handsomely gay, darn it!

15. Poor but loved, or rich but hated?
Poor but loved. But it doesn't hurt to be rich and loved at the same time, does it?

16. How many children do you want?
Two--a boy and a girl. Right, Francis?

17. What’s better: to give or to receive?
Last Friday, there was an ex-deal sale at work. So I grabbed a perfume for my mom, which she's been wanting since she got a whiff of it. So I bought it for her. I was all excited to go home that day and hand her that dandy bottle. So yeah, it is better to give than to receive. Makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

18. What do you feel about sex without love?
That's just plain lust. I prefer to call the act "making love" than just "sex". The latter term has this detached rawness to it, which I don't find appealing.

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
Uhm. No. But if that's with my husband, then I'm all for it. Hahaha!

20. What would you name yourself if you’d been born the opposite gender?
I prefer it ancient-sounding and uncommon. Say, Onesimus or Moses. Hehe.

You're tagged: Camille, Sam (ayan!), Abby, Kat, Archie, Cos, Mavs, Pat

another breath of fresh air

Yesterday's sermon was a blessing. "God speaks and makes His presence known through His creation." I cannot agree more. That's why another trip tomorrow 'til Thursday to the northern mountains is, again, in good timing.

A lot has been happening lately, and I wish I can say that they're not a matter of life and death. Two of the most important people in my life--my dad and my future mom-in-law-- are not in the pink of health, and they need all the prayers they can get. Sometimes I wonder why I haven't really become as depressed as I should be. I feel like I should be bugging my eyes out crying, but I'm not. Dunno if that's good or bad. I'm just thankful that I'm still sane to actually come to work, smile, greet people, function like I should, come up with decent copy, etc. It scares me that all this might catch up on me, and that when that happens, I'd be caught unawares.

So yes, I thank God for another opportunity to temporarily escape everything that's haunting me now, even if this is another official business trip. I actually look forward to hear Him speak and calm me with His presence up there in the mountains.

And yes, please pray for my dad and my mom-in-law. Just please pray that they be well soon.

one of 'em boys cried then went shopping

Last Friday's snippets:

Was watching SYTYCD's Kherington and Twitch do some Viennese Waltz. The routine has a personal sentimentality to it, especially because the song has a very special meaning to the choreographers.

So I was watching it, and just when my tears were about to fall, my colleague Tim suddenly showed up in my cube and caught me teary-eyed. I had to shoo him away before I got to explain. Embarassing moment no. 261 there! Hahaha!

---

Had a matter-of-life-and-death issue at hand: what's more flattering for a girl--to be categorized as a girl-next-door or a hot chick. For me, it depends. But when Iza and I asked Francis' take on the issue, he only has one thing to label me:

One of the boys.

Great. Well, fine, I admit I tend to be one. And sometimes, it works for me. Sometimes. Still, it's flattering to be treated like a lady, not like a brother. Ugh.

---

Since there were no takers for the GCs I've been selling (they're Big & Small/Spin/Havin' A Baby GCs), I decided to just use them myself, see what preggy clothes I can buy and get away with wearing them without being accused of being actually pregnant. Francis was quite hesitant to join me in my shopping spree. "Naku, baka ma-tismis tayo nito," he said. I just laughed it off.

So there I was, gleefully enjoying fitting the clothes on sale only to learn I can't buy them with my precious GCs (but then Bubs and Cleo told me they were able to score sale items with their GCs. So unfair!). So I just settled for a brown tube dress and paid cash for this maroon bubble tube top that was on sale. At the cashier:

Cashier: Ma'am, first baby nyo po?
Me: Um. Ah. Hindi pa.

Was so tempted to point at Francis and say, "Sya, baby damulag ko."

dreaming with a broken heart in SYTYCD

Hmmm...so now I'm confused which pair to like--Kherington and Twitch (with this vid) or Chelsie and Mark (with Bleeding Love).

But Twitch is sizzling!

bleeding love in SYTYCD, drip drip

Such intensity! I hope this couple wins!

I think Sam and I watched this for the nth time today, wishing we'd memorize the routine and perform it decently even in our dreams. But I have yet to work on Jabbawockeez's Apologize (see previous entry).

Dancing is indeed, emancipating.

jabba, jabba, jabba!

They got me at Apologize. Now I'm so hooked! Jabbawockeez ROCKS!

tweet-tweet-twitter!

Here I go again littering the cyberspace. Another site to maintain. This will be fun!

Follow me on Twitter and I shall follow you, too! Yay!

hurry before June ends!

As narrated to me. Please click to enlarge.
And please buy a copy so you get to read the whole story!

Got an article published in Cosmo June ish. Yey! Do grab a copy now hurry hurry!!!

tug-a-tag-tag

So Sam tagged me. And since there has been some inactivity in my blog these days (the reason for which will be in another entry), I do find this a fun reason to write a post. So here we go...

The Rules:

I. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.

II. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.

III. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.

IV. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

---

10 Random (sometimes weird and scary) facts about me:

1. I am a H-U-G-E fan of Lord of the Rings, and therefore, Tolkien. So huge that I even attempted to learn Elvish language (there are two: Sindarin and Quenya). In fact, the greeting you will see on my multiply home page (Vedui' il'er) is the Elvish for "Welcome, my friends!". My multiply address, among others, is "luthien tinuviel", the great ancestor of Arwen Undumiel. I reenact some scenes, too (yes, even some sword-weilding scenes) from the movies. There was also a point when I got really hooked on the LOTR Yahoo chatroom, even role-played there, and met online friends, some of whom I still talk to today. And if given the resources, I would definitely purchase LOTR items to my heart's content.

2. As perhaps apparent in item # 1, I can consider myself a geek. Summer break in elementary and high school were spent reading books that would prepare me for the next level. Say I'm an incoming sophomore--I would read sophomore books and find them delightful, somehow. *gulp* Also, I was best in Science and Math when I was in elementary. I dunno what happened in between then and now.

3. I used to have a big crush on...uh...Sylvester Stallone--back when he was still capable of being a Rocky. I think I was in Grade 2 or 3 then. Yes, I did have a poster even. Ahaha!

4. I lack the drive to pursue my poetic dreams. Francis can attest to this. I have more than a dozen poems ready for copyright application, but I never got around to doing it. For more than 5 years now. So I'm giving myself a deadline: I need to have my works copyrighted before I become Mrs. Funa. I hope, too, that at least one of my poems gets published before this self-imposed deadline.

5. Warning: this may sound scary and I will understand if, for a period of time my friends who get to read this avoid me, until proven otherwise...I am drawn to weird criminal cases. For instance, I find myself so engaged in reading about Charles Manson-like cases, or those about kids killing other kids. You know, the serial killer types. Maybe that's why I have a secret crush on Dexter Morgan (played by Michael Hall in the TV series Dexter). Believe me, I am a safe person to be with. I am not one to slash your neck and watch you die from loss of blood.

6. I am semi-arachnophobic. When I was a kid, I was taking a bath and when I opened my eyes, I saw this big spider swimming in my pail of water. That did it for me.

7. I am also afraid of rambutan. Yes, the fruit. I imagine them to be these red sea urchins that would just attack you to death with their spiky skin. If anyone plans to give me this fruit, please make sure they're peeled. Though sadly, I still don't eat them, but thanks for the effort.

8. I like my mornings quiet. I get irritated when I bump into someone on my way to work because then, I am forced to strike an early morning conversation when I could be catching some more sleep during my commute.

9. I seriously want to pursue travel writing and photography. I see myself quitting my day job for these.

10. I get attracted to gay men--90% of the time. I wouldn't know they're gay in the first place until someone tells me they are. So if I get a crush on this particular bloke, there's a 90% probability that he's not straight. But Francis is not gay. He's the exception to the rule. Let's be clear on that. Haha!

Tagging: Zig, Pat, Archie, Mch, Meikah, Cos, Gibet, Ninah, Ate Janice, Jay.

happiness is witnessing the Cook bring home the bacon!

Had to wake up early this morning, as in 8am (yes, that's major effort for me these days) just so I can watch the AI Season 7 finals. Groggy as I was, it was all worth it. David Cook is da man!!!

Now before I hit the road to Baguio, lemme post these--for all David Cook fans who haven't seen this vid yet. (Thanks to Abby for sharing.)



And now, let's give it up for Archie.



That's a hot rock star and a cute li'l boy for you! And oh my, they're both lefties! Haha!

cover: falling slowly from the movie "Once"

Vocals, Backing Vocals: Sunshine Selga
Acoustic Guitar: Francis Funa

I miss times like this--when music strips off everything and we're just left with the passion to
play it.

baguio's going to pick me up again

Baguio, Feb 08: with Archie, Cindy, Mems, and Mari-an.
Taken by Francis

I find it a blessing that whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps, a trip to my fave place comes around—be it for work or for leisure (of course I wish it were always for leisure). And as mababaw as I may seem, I find myself feeling all excited about another trip to Baguio this weekend (for work, yes).

It must be the cool air or the pine trees or the notion that Baguio is in itself this very quaint little town where everyone knows everyone and you can do or wear (layering and boots and coats and mufflers are so cool) just about anything and no one would stare at you like you’re some strange person. I may be wrong (I’ve read in a dismayed friend’s blog that Baguio has changed), but I’d like to think that I’m going back to a place I fell in love with. It’s good to not be too familiar with it because that way, I don’t have to stare at the ugly face of Baguio (oh yes, there is Panagbenga. Now I understand why Mari-an detests stepping out of her house and into the festival’s riot). Maybe because every time I go there, I feel a happy familiarity, a sense of belonging, a sense of I-can-grow-old-here feeling. Add the fact that that’s where I said “yes” to Francis’ proposal.

It’s funny because my assignment in Baguio only requires an overnight stay. Yet I still look forward to it and feel as if that short stay would do me a lot of good. I can actually imagine myself there already: after the shoot, me and my colleagues-turned-friends would hit a place where we can relax and have a nice afternoon snack, then probably head to Tam-Awan to catch the glorious Baguio sunset. Evening might be spent at some cozy place with good food—50’s Diner or Little John’s maybe. And as we all decide to call it a night, we’d still end up yakking the night away in our room, all comfy in our PJs. The morning would be a wonderful mix of damp air, cool breeze and soft drizzle, best spent having a hearty breakfast at Café by the Ruins (Cindy and I would definitely drag the gang there). I would be ordering their divine French toast. The rest of the day would probably be spent loitering around Baguio and being the usual noisy bunch of tourists. Then we’d all be sad to be going back to Manila by early afternoon. I know I’d be really sad, but happy at the same time because I might have found another reason to go back. Hopefully, when that time comes, Francis would be missing Baguio so much he’d talk me into taking a week-long vacation leave just so we could go back.

Oh dear. Evidently, I’m getting all worked up here. Just thinking of how cool and damp and drizzling Baguio is at this time of the year gets me all giddy. Perhaps this is God’s way of rewarding me after days of feeling terribly miserable.

I really can’t wait for Friday. Yay!

because the right choice is to let go

When it rains, it pours.

My recent trip to Albay somehow gave me room to escape from decisions (or indecisions) that haunt me these days. I’m not one to pretend that things are fine when they’re not. I guess my Grade 6 adviser is right to describe me in our annual as “transparent in times of joy and despondency.” These are despondent times for me.

And so I just find solace in listening to what I call “catatonic” music. That’s the good thing about music—it soothes aches without any pretenses. During that 12-hour trip back to Manila, while raindrops were beating hard on the windshield, I fed on songs as I voluntarily let them feed on my pain.

The day before our trip back, I had to learn (again) how to compartmentalize my emotions and my work. It’s not an easy feat. I had to force myself to keep a level head and do what I had to do in Albay—be a photographer and shoot decent photos. I had to stop myself from putting down my camera and just give in to depression. But like my teacher said, I am transparent. I can only hold out for so long.

Perhaps this is one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make. I asked for a sign, and I was given “no” for an answer. Just to be sure, I’m asking for another sign, and if it’s another “no”, then it must not really be meant for me. It just hurts to know that for something I’ve wanted, I’m being asked to wait. It’s even harder for me because I can consider myself a “spoiled daughter”—not used to having “no” for an answer.

Maybe not many people would understand why I need to make this decision. Some do, and I greatly appreciate it. In this situation, it’s so easy and so sweet to just say “yes”. That would be an easy road to take, and I would be a hypocrite to say that I’m not tempted to take that road. The goal is at hand, but I have to turn back and walk away from it because there are things that I cannot compromise, lines I cannot cross. When you’re to choose between something you desperately want and your conviction, the decision is never easy. It’s painstaking and shattering, even. What makes it more difficult is when you know the answer—when you know you have to take that other road less traveled.

Again, I have to wait it all out and let the storm pass. I have to tell myself, “When you can’t see His hand, trust His heart.”

As I drowned out all emotions with my iPod’s help and stared blankly at the long, slippery road on the way back to Manila, I couldn’t help but ask: If this is not meant for me, what is? If this isn’t the right time, when is? Because honestly, I’m getting a bit tired. And so as I make the decision to walk away, I just pray that in the future, when I look back at this moment, I can be proud and say it was all worth it. In the meantime, I allow myself to drown in lethargy and fade out.

gigabytes come in neat, little packages

Ooh lala red!

This afternoon, I went to Francis' place to get the CDs I left with him. I need those discs for some review I'm doing. Also, I need him to accompany me in buying a CF card, which I've long put on hold. There's no better time to buy a 2-gig card but now. Otherwise, I'd be forced to bring my laptop to our Albay trip this Monday-Wednesday just so I can transfer photos and free up my hardworking 1G card (I'm the official photographer again for this trip! Yey!). Considering that I usually bring a lot of baggages when I go on out-of-town trips (being the pack rat that I am), adding a laptop bag to my list is not always a good idea.

So we headed to SM North Cyberzone to check out the stores for the most reasonably priced 2GB CF card. We found only two stores, and it was a matter of choosing between Transcend and Kingston. Called up Cos to see what he can recommend, and he told me both brands are okay. But Francis has apprehensions getting Kingston, so I decided to go for Transcend (with a speed of 133x). It cost me only P860, which made me smile with glee.

After rejoicing for a good buy, we proceeded to Villman. Francis asked for the specs and price of a portable hard drive, and I had this feeling that that was his belated happy birthday present for me. Indeed, it is! After asking around for a good deal, we settled for a 160GB Western Digital My Passport Essential™ portable hard drive in fabulous red. The neat thing measures about 3x6 (passport size nga!) and is about half an inch thick. Such a little dandy gadget to have, especially because I need to back up photos every now and then.

A few hours ago before this techie shopping, I was gently scolding Francis for still not giving me a birthday present. But seeing my new toy, I can say that good things come to those who wait (ahem, ahem).

Thanks, Pangga! You're my gadget boy. Haha!

Now off I go to my backing up project.

and isn't it ironic?

Sometimes, life has a way of biting you in the ass--hard.

Going home this evening, I had to stop from crying and making a fool out of myself in the FX. So I just sat there, wallowing in self-pity and asking questions starting with "why".

I've only wanted this one Thing, been so dying to have it. And I know I deserve to have that one Thing. But I see others getting it--and taking it for granted. It just hurts to see how some people take that one Thing for granted--that one Thing I've so longed for. And as selfish or boastful as it may sound, it hurts even more to know that in one aspect or another, I deserve that one Thing more than they do. But why does it seem like I'm asking for the moon? Why haven't I gotten there yet when I've been working my ass off for it?

So this is how it feels to be plagiarized--to see someone bring home all the goodies that you deserve in the first place.

Perhaps I have to remind myself, "In God's time, Shine...in God's time."

Please, God, let that time be now.

at the end of a long day

Sometimes, I surprise myself with my patience. At other times, with my hostility.

Today, it was the former.